an open letter to the newbies

dear newbies:

congratulations on being the luckiest kids in the world. you are about to have what will probably be the most memorable year of your life so far.

do not underestimate the importance of spontaneity and simply enjoying your life here. but, in the event that you WOULD like advice, here are some things to remember...

us as newbies!

1. don't stress.

but seriously, don't. one, it isn't worth your time, and two, sometimes it's better to just enjoy the moment. the year will be over before you know it. prioritize, yes, and figure out what you're looking for in your exchange year, yes. but take a couple minutes every so often to breathe and laugh and realize the complete beauty and total ridiculousness of you being in another country.

i regret not figuring out that sometimes, i should just take life as it happened to me. (chill out, by the way, Past Hannah. you're stressing out too much to be healthy.) and that sometimes, your exchange will hold lovely surprises. the key isn't to prepare wildly, the key is to welcome them in and stop complaining.

which is another point...

2. if you have an issue, figure it out. make yourself heard.

you will be on your own for a lot of this year, and you will be required to deal with your own problems sometimes. if you can't, you need to communicate that you can't... clearly. your host parents are wonderful, but there are times when you just need to raise your voice and let them know that there IS a blocked bathtub turning the downstairs washroom into a swimming pool, and can they please help you with it NOW?

farewell weekend for OUR oldies

other times you will be required to take control of your own issues and solve them. if you are not already, you will probably become good at a) reading maps in foreign languages or b) navigating the transit system better than the locals do or c) getting lost in large cities and enjoying it. possibly all three!

but there are other times when the problem just can't be fixed. which means that,

3. sometimes, you need to shut up and deal with it.

this doesn't mean staying silent in the face of evil. this just means that sometimes, you will get so caught up in what's wrong with your exchange that you don't realize the obvious: you're on exchange, and that's wonderful! be grateful, duh.

also, the food is delicious. i don't care what you think of it now. it's delicious. and you WILL miss it when you get back to your home country, so make the most of your opportunities now. this applies to other things, not just food: language, culture, travel... stop complaining and work on enjoying life.

newbies and oldies-- exchange is a family

 4. invest in things that last.

make friendships. get to know people who come from different states and countries and continents. because you know what? you didn't come on exchange to be comfortable. anyone can stay home and be comfortable. you came to grow, and that takes guts.

so don't undermine that by staying inside your comfort zone.

 i have met some of the most brilliant and talented and fun people on exchange, and it blows my mind to think that i call them friends. so go. enjoy the world. there is life outside your front door, i promise.

5. ignore this.

well, don't ignore it completely. but do realize that this is a very limited amount of advice coming from a still-more-limited source, and that every exchange is different. my counsel might be completely wrong for your exchange, and that's fine.

know yourself, and question yourself, and feel free to disregard things that aren't right for you. but mostly, remember that you're ON EXCHANGE, you're adventuring, you're free...

and honestly, isn't that the most wonderful feeling in the world?

days < 10 -- farewelling

piece of advice for future exchange students #6:

say goodbye to people you know whenever you see them. because you never know when you might be leaving, and you will not be coming home for a year.

note: for those of you who may have missed it, I now have a new countdown timer (note that this one counts down to when I will be in Switzerland, not when I will depart the US).

this past weekend, I said goodbye to a group of my friends. It was fun, and encouraging, and delicious (nutella for the win :P) and for the first half of the party I just enjoyed seeing everyone and talking and laughing.

and then about halfway through, I realized that this was possibly the last time I'd be seeing most of them... at least for a year.

that after I left, life would continue. 

that when I come back, people would be different. 

that they would have seen things and made memories and grown up a little bit more. 

and I knew all that, in the back of my mind, but somehow the party triggered my realization of it. 

which made saying goodbye harder.

but you know what?

when I finally leave, life will continue.

after I come back, I will be different.

I will have seen things and made memories and grown up a little bit more.

and that is the reason that I am leaving, and that is the reason I am saying goodbye, and I knew all that in the back of my mind but somehow the goodbyes triggered my realization of it.

which made saying goodbye--easier. for some reason.

things that have happened in the past 10 days:

• the advantage of having a party is that you get to see all your friends. so I saw my friends and said goodbye and it was bittersweet.
• and yet good.
• I'm packed! (well, mostly.) hooray!
• in the past couple weeks, I've gotten to know this amazing girl named Sarah who's also an outbound to Switzerland. our conversations make me more excited to go :)
• I'm really too tired to list anything else. 
• goodnight.

dreams, doubt, and saying goodbye

just because something is a bloomability does not mean that it comes without its fair share of doubt.

when you sign up for exchange, they tell you about the best things. all the places you'll go. all the sights you'll see. all the friends you'll make. and i think that's true, every word of it, because exchange sounds amazing.

but they never mention what you'll be missing.

because when you sign up for a year, you may not exactly realize that you're going to be gone for, well, a year. there's a lot that can happen in a year, you know. people change, and places change, and friendships change. you gain a lot on your exchange year, but you will also be giving up quite a bit.
the more time i spend with my friends, the more i realize that this is a place where i belong. and that i will be leaving it behind once i leave. and that i will never quite be in this same spot again.

it's odd to think that high school goes so fast. i thought it lasted forever, and here i am, halfway through, doing something i would never have seen myself doing two years ago. it makes me feel very old and very young at the same time.

a few months ago i said goodbye to my normal school friends and classes and activities. there was the usual hugging and exchanging of email addresses and promises to stay in touch.
but it was different this time.
because every time someone said "will i see you next year" the answer wasn't "yes" or "maybe".
the answer was "no".
"no" because i am going on exchange. and at the end of the summer when you are buying notebooks and pencils and folders and stepping onto the bus for school, i will be buying my ticket and stepping onto a plane for another country.

and every time i look at a calendar, i remember:
in less than 10 days, i will be separated from my friends and family and everything that is safe and comfortable.
in less than 10 days i will be flying across the ocean toward my new country, toward my new family, toward my new home.
in less than 10 days, i will be gone.

questions I've been asked recently--part II

So, Sweden? That's cool.

I'm glad you think so! But I'm going to Switzerland.

Swaziland? Wow, exotic!!!

hahaha, no. I'm going to Switzerland.

Ohhhhh... Sound of Music, huh?

errr, that's Austria. Switzerland is next to it, bordered by France, Germany, Italy... oh, never mind. I'm going to Europe.

Great! Europe is wonderful. You're going to love it.

::laughs::

thanks. :)

You leave in less than 20 days. are you ready?
no.

...

what, you were expecting a different answer? *

I can't believe you're leaving! Will you Skype/call me every day?

um. no?

WHY NOT?!?!?

because I would love to talk to you! but I really am on exchange to learn about a culture, language, country, and people different from my own... which means that being online or on the phone constantly would undermine that :P

there is, also, the small matter of the 90-day rule.

The 90 day what?

the 90 day rule. it's a rule set up by Rotary for exchange students. basically, it states that you cannot Skype or call anyone from your home country (with the exception of your parents, when you get there) for the first 90 days.

so, if you'd like to talk to me on exchange, I'd love to talk to you too! shoot me an email, though. or send me a letter. I love letters. and I promise to reply if you send me one.

But I'm no good at writing letters.

great! now is the perfect time to learn. ♥

How's your German coming along?

oh no, not this question again.
My German is... passable. hopefully. I can understand the written emails my host mom sends me, and I can respond (with Google Translate as my editor, haha) in simple sentences. that said, I can't understand German spoken at full speed unless it's repeated, and I'm fairly sure my pronunciation is atrocious. thankfully, there are plenty of opportunities to practice in the next few months!

take pictures!!!

I will do that! (I also intend to sketch madly in the next couple of months, so expect to see plenty of awkward doodling on this blog soon.) Switzerland is beautiful and I can't wait to see it in person!

*see this post.

days < 20 -- preparing

piece of advice for future outbounds #5:

start saying goodbye to everyone you know way before you leave. it goes fast, and you don't know if or when you'll see them again.

everything is starting to become more real. I have my flight date, my departure time (see this updated countdown timer if you'd like to know when that is) and a list of things to do in the next two weeks.

my reaction? "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

---

anyway.

things that have happened in the last 10 days:

• spending possibly my last days on the Pacific beach (and possibly any beach?) for the next year. Switzerland is landlocked, so I will probably miss the ocean.
• also. in case I haven't mentioned it, I now have my itinerary. I will receive my visa and passport back soon, and then I'll basically have everything I need to leave!
• going on one last family vacation before we leave. 
• attempting to finish the Rosetta Stone level 2 in German... so close. Unfortunately, my microphone appears to have gone weird on me. Hopefully it will revive itself enough that I can finish!
• other than that? not much. random philosophical discussions, Rotary meetings, etc., plus business with the last-minute complications of traveling.

that's it for now!

rivers, rapids, and what I learned about exchange while rafting

i ride the rapids for a reason.

well, that was rather cryptic. let me explain.

about a month ago, i went rafting with a youth group. the guide on our raft asked us to think about the river and what we could learn from it. at first i thought that was weird and a little too pocahontas-y--you know, "colors of the riverbend" or however that song goes--but because i enjoy thinking, i thought about it anyway.

and i realized that i am approaching a rapid very quickly--i am going to switzerland--and that scares me as if it WERE a rapid. and it frightens me, because people tell me stories about europe and horror stories about exchange and ask me why on earth i would want to go until i'm not even sure myself anymore. until i'm asking why. until i'm doubting ever riding the rapid in the first place.

but there, on the river, i realized why i want to go. it's for the same reason i want to ride the rapids. they are scary, yes, and they are mostly optional, yes, and in some ways they also carry danger. but at the same time, there are things you learn from the rapids that you never find on the smooth water. there's a joy and courage and strength and exhilaration that comes from riding the rapids--that feeling of victory and the thrill of being a part of what you really want to do. and if this is my rapid, my adventure, then i need to pursue it.

---

to put it another way: have you ever felt like maybe everything was too easy? not too easy in the way that nothing is hard enough... more too easy in the way that it's hard at the beginning, but after a couple days/weeks/months it becomes easier. commonplace. and not hard anymore.

and haven't you ever longed for something that would present a constant challenge? that would become your life, that would be something you live day in and day out? something that wouldn't become easier, but that would challenge you physically and mentally and socially all the time?

because i want something like that. i want to know that i am being challenged and that i have a story worth telling. and for me, that is the one thing that holds me to exchange--the fact that it is a growing experience like nothing i've ever seen before.

days < 30 -- repacking

piece of advice for future outbound students #4:

be prepared to leave at any time. you never know what might happen.

i'm still not absolutely sure when i'm leaving. it could be anywhere from the first to the ninth of August, because my travel agency hasn't given me a schedule yet.

that said, they also haven't given me my visa yet...
and they have yet to send my passport back...
...so i may not be leaving on time after all...

i'm hoping everything goes well, and i trust the travel agency. so we'll see!

things that have happened in the past 10 days:

• finally, i got to visit the rotary club of tillamook! in a rather roundabout way, they helped to make my exchange possible. I was an alternate (see this post to know what that means), and by sponsoring an inbound they provided an extra outbound slot. so it was wonderful to meet the rotarians there, and they were all super nice :)
• family retreat which involved murky ponds, ridiculously fast slides, bananagrams, and sandblasting. it was fun to make memories, and somehow everything was different because i know that i'm leaving. i'm not sure if that makes sense or not.
• still attempting to read books in german (see this post).
• also still attempting to stuff all my shoes in one suitcase. i never realized how many pairs of shoes i own until i tried to pack them. 
• shoes are hard to pack. did you know that?

the end.

i'm not ready

the most common question i get now:
"are you ready?"

and normally i smile and say yes, sure, absolutely, thrilled, etc.
but i thought about it and i realized that no, i'm not.

it freaks me out to think that i will be getting on a plane and living without my family and friends here for a year. i feel too young and too inexperienced and too whatever to possibly be ready.

but every time i've ever felt scared and worried and stressed about something that i know i want to do, i've felt unready. and somehow by the time i am doing it, i am ready. i'm not sure what happens inside when i become ready... there's only the fact  that when the moment of truth comes, i am. and i trust myself to know when i will be.

so no, i'm not ready.

but you know what?

i will be.

june's lovely links

note: again, I've been gone for a couple weeks so some of these posts are severely overdue. sorry about that... anyway, I am doing my best to catch up and post (relatively) on time. :)

random things I've been reading that are somewhat travel related:

Fluent In 3 Months encourages you to make mistakes while learning languages... i have to admit that this is one of the hardest things for me to do, although i'm sure i'll make plenty of mistakes in Switzerland.
on another note, they also happen to have funny random posts about travel and habits picked up in other countries. some of the habits are hilarious.

this post from The Great Affair lists 27 things travel has taught Candace in 27 years. it's a short list, but worth the read.

this distance calculator tells you just how far away i'll be from your house. oh, although i'm sure you could use it for other things too. ;)

in case you wish you could travel now but the obstacles seem insurmountable--Young Adventuress lists some common travel excuses and reasons why they shouldn't actually keep you from traveling (although there is some language used on this blog that I personally wouldn't use. just a heads up.)

this writer talks about his reasons for traveling young. To be honest, though, i think most of his reasons could apply to anyone, no matter their age.

food for thought: one rotary student's experience and thoughts on Eurotour.

days < 40 -- summering

piece of advice for future outbounds #3:

don't forget that your life here has its rewards too. enjoy the moment.

the reason that this post is so severely overdue is that i have been making the most of my summer. summer camps and parties and sunshine are beautiful things.

unfortunately, that also means that i have been forgetting to post as often as i should. sorry about that.

things to celebrate in the past 10 (ish) days:

• i can now solve a rubik's cube. ridiculously proud of myself.
• summer bucket list:  going to summer camp? check. rafting through rapids? check. rafting through rapids, except without a raft? check. i'm doing well on this, you guys. now if i can only find someone to go cliffjumping with me...*
• i can read a book in german! sort of. if reading means that you have the general idea of what happened.  and that it's a book you've already read. and that you have google translate nearby just in case. but still.
• i can now say that i've watched star wars. this is a cultural milestone.
• worked at VBS... helping with little kids is so, so rewarding. there were definitely some difficulties, but on the whole i'm glad i had the opportunity to help.

*just kidding. cliffjumping isn't actually on my list. neither is stormchasing or paragliding, in case you were wondering. **

**although now that I think about it, those do sound really fun. ***

***but they can wait. i'd rather be alive during my exchange year. ;)

days < 50 -- packing

piece of advice for future outbounds #2:

start packing ahead of time.

like, waaaayyyyyyyyyy ahead of time.

since all my classes are over and i only have math review to do, i consider summer to have officially started. that said, i probably have more to do this summer than i ever did during the school months.

packing...
...makes me realize just how much i own
...makes me realize just how much i use
...is hard.

things to celebrate in the past 10 days:

• My host family sent me a postcard! i honestly think i have the best host family ever... really...
• some of my friends and i went to the top of the US Bancorp Tower (it's 42 stories). very proud of myself.
• working through German level 2. hopeful that it'll go quickly, because i'm trying to get as far as possible before i leave. (then again, there is the fact that german grammar is basically the most confusing thing in the world to me. so i need to figure out the difference between nominative, accusative, dative, and genitive forms before i move on.)
• i have packed the bottom level of my suitcase. however, my shoes take up a lot more room than i originally thought they would. if you see a girl wearing three pairs of shoes (including rain boots) at the Portland airport in early august, that will be me.
• logged into my travel agency website to find that my Swiss Rotary has sent in all my documents! hooray! sohappyaboutthisyouhavenoidea.

the end.

stamps

the post office at the grocery store gets a lot of traffic, even on weekdays. since school isn't out, i am the youngest person here. 

I stand up straighter, push back my bangs. Try to look like I belong here. Hope no one asks me why I'm not in school. 

Short people just naturally get taken for littler than they are. I remember one July picnic when a little boy asked me how old I was (14). I asked him how old I looked. He squinched his eyes up at me, thought hard, and said, "eleven?" my sister nearly died laughing. 

I don't ask people to guess my age anymore. 

The lady at the register looks toward us and I bring my envelopes over, sliding them across the counter like I've done it a million times. "How much will it cost me to send these to Switzerland?" 

She says "2.20" without having to think. post office ladies are cool like that.
I ask how long it'll take and she says a week. I ask if there are any ways to get it there faster.
The lady lifts her eyebrows. "well, there's a couple options. we can send it one way and that costs 33 dollars, or you can take the other option but that's 44.25." 

... 

with as much dignity as I can muster, I say I'll stick with the first option. She takes my money, stamps the envelopes in red, and sticks international stamps on the corners. They're round, with a picture of the earth on them--pretty.
As the lady slides the envelopes away and hands me my change, I think about that stamp. It's so little to be sent halfway around the world. In my head I trace a line across the little blue globe--Switzerland is probably only about two inches away. 

except that in 60 days I'll be following that envelope, and it won't be any two inches neither. 

more than 2000 miles. 

and i realize just how little i am, to be sent halfway around the world.

days < 60 -- counting

piece of advice for future outbounds #1:

keep track of how much time you have before you go--and make the most of it.

so today i checked my fancy little countdown timer and my mind was blown again.
it has a habit of doing that.
particularly when i check that timer.

so i probably shouldn't be surprised.
except that i still am.

things to celebrate in the past 10 days:

• my show ended! well, not that I'm happy it ended--the finality of show run and strike is always bittersweet--but i'm so glad I got to participate in one last journey theater show before i leave. these people are amazing and i'm so blessed to be with them.
• and my swing dance class ended too. I've enjoyed this class more than i expected, and i'm now officially addicted to swing dancing. (funny story: I was doing the shim sham at the bus stop near an intersection. it was about 11am and as one guy drove by he stuck his head out the window, took his eyes completely off the road, and gave me a "what-on-earth-is-that-crazy-girl-doing-and-why-isn't-she-in-school-and-is-she-actually-dancing-and-she-must-be-homeschooled" look. luckily there were no accidents. it totally made my day.)
• I made it past Rosetta German level 1. seriously, I thought the milestone would never end. but anyhow, I'm very proud of myself. now I only have four more levels left to go... (there are four units per level and four lessons per unit and an average of seven sections per lesson, so however many that is. I can't add right now, it's too late at night.)
• the Swiss Rotary is applying for my GA card, which is a train pass that allows me to ride public transit for free. This is probably one of my favorite things about Switzerland :)
• school is over! I still have review math to do, but I'm officially finished with most of my other classes so I consider summer to have begun.

and, now that summer has begun, I'm making a list of things to do this summer before I leave. some of the things on my list are serious (volunteer at camp and impact at least one kid's life) and some of them are not-so-serious (be in a flash mob).

got any ideas for me?

questions I've been asked recently

So you're going on exchange... you're so lucky! That's like one long vacation, right?
::stands there in surprise and shock::

::coughs::

excuse me while I go laugh my head off in a corner...

The short answer is no. it is not a vacation, although it totally made my day when one person asked that. :)

slightly longer answer: I will be working--and working hard--on exchange. It would probably be much easier and more vacation-like for me to stay home, where I know the language and the culture and I have friends. When I go on exchange, I will be attending high school in a different language in another culture with people I've never met. I'm homeschooled, so that means that I'll be adjusting to "real school" as well. It will be difficult, trust me.

Then again, I don't think that life was created for the purpose of avoiding work.

So you're going to Sweden?

um, no. I'm going to Switzerland :)

Switzerland... where is that?

It's smack-dab in the middle of Europe, just below Germany, above Italy and to the right of France. It's also a really tiny country, which is fantabulous.
I will be staying in the village of Magden, which is approximately 3 miles from the German border and 15 miles from the French border. If you're looking at a map, it is in the upper left hand corner of Switzerland. My school is in Muttenz, so I will be taking the bus/train to get there every morning.

Will you take classes in English, or do you need to speak Swiss?

Swiss isn't a language. That's sort of like if someone asked you whether you spoke American or United-Statesian. Just because you live in another country doesn't mean you all have your own language.
There are four official languages in Switzerland: German, French, Italian, and Romansh. I will be living and studying in the German part.

German? So you won't have any classes in English? Won't that be hard for you?
Um. Probably?
But I'm excited to learn the language, as nerdy and pathetic as that may sound (yes, I admit it. I am a pathetic nerd. you can stop reading my blog now...) German is a really amazing language and with so much immersion I should become fluent, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Do your parents know about this?

No. I'm running away. shhh.

...

Haha, just kidding. Yes, they do know about this.

When do you leave?
I'm leaving in the first week of August. My travel agency hasn't set a specific date yet, which means that I'm packing in the next month and waiting for the call/email that will let me know when I'm about to leave.

and yes, I am excited.
very.

in which I write a normal post

(magden. i didn't take this picture, my host family sent it to me)

I've realized that I haven't actually updated you on anything that's happened since the District Conference. I've only posted random philosophical things, which (while fun to write), are not the most informative blog posts ever.

Sorry.

Since March I've heard from my host family. They live in a small village named Magden, (which is absolutely gorgeous) in the Basel region and near the intersection of the French, German, and Swiss borders. I will be going to school 45 minutes away in a city called Muttenz.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled.

Speaking of school, Swiss schools operate differently than American schools. Although that doesn't really bother me since I've never been to either...
I'll attend Gymnasium, which is basically another level of high school for Swiss students who are collegebound. My schedule will fluctuate throughout the week, with some days starting at 8 and going till 5, and other days starting at 10 and ending at 12. There are more subjects to juggle in a day, but the lessons are shorter (my host mom says that they last 45 or 50 minutes?) Also, from what I've heard, I don't have any homework and I can finish it all in school! Hooray :)

Meanwhile, things have been moving along here. Preparations for my visa, for my GA card in Switzerland, for language camp and for school and for everything that seems far away now but will be familiar and normal in a year. It's odd to think that all around the world, other kids are doing this exact same thing. Other kids have done this exact same thing. Call me self-centered, but for some reason it feels so much different for me to do it than it does for me to hear about others doing it.

I've actually begun to think about packing, early as it seems. I know I'm not supposed to bring too much stuff (Switzerland does have shopping, believe it or not :) ) but I have the odd impulse to bring as much of my belongings as possible, just to have things from home. At the same time, the stories that YEOs tell about coming with only a change of clothes and shoes and a carryon--well, that sounds adventurous, slightly risky, and extremely appealing.
Knowing me, I'll probably be somewhere in between the two extremes. There should be some sort of packing list... when I finally leave maybe I'll write one for all the future outbounds to follow me. Or maybe I won't, just so that they can experience the delightful wondering of whether they've packed everything they need and do they need shampoo or should they buy it there and do they need a year's worth of lotion and what if none of their clothing fits in and should they bring peanut butter and oh why is packing so complicatedly boring?

Anyhow.

I should probably be practicing my German more often--currently I'm in the middle of Dress Week for a musical, so I haven't had all that much free time. Still, I'm doing some vocabulary work through Language Perfect and practicing on Duolingo when I get the chance. I'm also carrying a German grammar book with me basically everywhere, hoping that it'll transfer its secrets to me simply by the fact that I am in its immediate vicinity. Maybe languages can be absorbed through the skin?

Oh well, one can always hope.

(not) in captivity

Some exchange students say they can't wait to leave, that they have to get out of their hole of a house/school/town/etc., that going abroad is going to be such an amazing escape.

Except that I don't feel like that.
I don't want to escape. I honestly don't feel like there is much to escape from. I'm happy with where I am, for the most part, and I am worried about leaving that for a whole entire year.

As poetic as it sounds, I have to admit that I don't feel like a caged bird. I have no need to get away from the world I am in now. If Rotary called and told me that my exchange was dropped, I would be sad. I would be depressed. I would probably cry. But I don't think my life would fall apart.

Is that horrible? Because I want very badly to go, don't get me wrong. There are millions of reasons why I want to go, and I have no intention of dropping this exchange ever. I am going to work on my exchange and I am going to work hard.

But I am worried, because somehow the need that seems to be pushing others is not pushing me. I don't hate my friendships here. I don't hate my town. I don't hate Americans in general.

And it makes me wonder: Do I have to? Will I not exchange well if I don't hate my home country?

Because I want to embrace Switzerland, come into the culture with an open mind, learn the language and understand the people and make friends. I do.

I just don't think I have to hate America to love Switzerland.

countdown

this is a countdown timer to when I will be halfway across the world.

surreal

"It seemed that all around me was a smooth bubble, clear enough to see through, but strong enough to keep me inside... I imagined pores in this bubble ball that could let in streams of things from the outside, so I could examine them and poke them back out again if I didn't like them..."

--Bloomability, Sharon Creech

i've just come home from the rotary district conference, where everything was new and we were feeling the same things and learning the same things and ready to travel the world. but now, i sit here in my house with everything familiar around me, and i wonder what exactly i think i am doing.

because in less than 80 days now, i will be in switzerland.

i will be in another country with foreign languages spoken all around me.

i will be living with another family.

i will be without the friends i know now and the schedules i have here.

i will be halfway around the world.

for a year.

and yet, as close as it is, i somehow can't seem to make it feel true. i know that it's coming, and i know that i don't have much time left. as ridiculous as it sounds, i feel like i'm going to wake up any minute now. 

it's just that everything feels so distant. i know that there have been hundreds, thousands, of exchange students before me. i know that they have done this before. but somehow their world seems so far away from mine.

so very very far away.

story of a girl: this is me

"anything is bloomable."

--sharon creech, bloomability

So I suppose that I'd better give some backstory before I go any farther.

In the winter of my freshman year, my mom and I read a book called The Global Student. It basically challenged the idea that you go through four years of high school, go through four years of college, and get a job. (the authors called it the "old school" path). Instead, they suggested that you go abroad for one of those years to get work experience, to learn about life, to learn another language, to experience a different culture, or all of the above.
Just like their kids did.

Well, obviously they were a little biased... but the book sparked my imagination. I loved the idea that I could go to another country and spend a tiny bit of my life somewhere else, experiencing the differences between here and there. And so I sent my local Rotary club an email about the short-term exchange that year.
Except that by that time, the short term exchange was full.
So I waited around. Did school. Went to summer camp. Almost forgot completely about Rotary.

And then last fall, I decided to apply for Rotary's exchange... their longterm one, the one that went for a full school year and required you to live abroad for 9-12 months. The book that we read recommended this exchange above all the others, but you could only go during your junior year so it wasn't on my radar screen. Also, it was for a whole year.
Anyway, I hadn't really thought about leaving for a year, but I figured that it was an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There's no harm trying, yes?

So I went to the meetings and interviews and that was it. I felt excited and scared and a little apprehensive, and I hoped they would like my applications and that I could go.
About one week later, they called me.

I didn't get in.

But, since the decision was 3-2 in favor of another girl, they still thought I was a promising candidate and they wanted me to be an alternate.
I had no idea what an alternate was.
They explained that I would be a short-term exchange program (STEP) applicant, and that I would basically fly standby and go abroad if there were any available slots for long term (LTEP) candidates. They assured me that after an exchange conference in January, I would know which program I would be going with. And so I said yes.
As far as I was concerned, there was no commitment to the LTEP program yet. I didn't really  think about it.

October passed.
November passed.
December passed.

In January I went dutifully to the exchange conference, and it was amazing. There were 8 (I think) of us alternates, and only four open slots, so they'd need to weed out some of us.
Except that they didn't. They wanted all of us to go.

And so they told us that they didn't know, and we should go to the longterm only conference in March and by then we would know if we. And so all of us nodded our heads and said we really wanted to pursue this, and yes we would go to the conference in March.

January passed.
February passed.

And then about a week before the conference, I received an email saying that I had been accepted to the Rotary Long Term Youth Exchange Program. I was thrilled. And I went to the conference.

The conference was a complete whirlwind. There were some details with my country choices (which I will explain later because this is a crazy long post anyhow), and I met one amazing person after another, and I couldn't believe this was actually happening because I only found out I was going a week ago, and so I went skiing and thought about my choices and thought about my choices and none of us really slept and all of us talked to the YEOs of the countries we were interested in (which for me basically meant all the YEOs because I wanted to visit every single country on the map) and finally on Saturday they announced our country selections.

And I was going to Switzerland.

How to explain that moment?
Well, I was ridiculously thrilled. I couldn't breathe. I cried because I was so happy, and I couldn't say anything for about half an hour (which, for those of you who know me, is very unnatural).

It's still only just beginning to sink in, after months of knowing.

I, Hannah Chinn, am going to Switzerland.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!