haiyan: please watch!

so i haven't been posting very much recently.
the reason for this is that one of my friends, Nica, is from the Philippines. and I've been working on something for her. this is my first video ever. it didn't help that I had no camera or recording devices besides my laptop...
but here it is.

dreams, doubt, and saying goodbye

just because something is a bloomability does not mean that it comes without its fair share of doubt.

when you sign up for exchange, they tell you about the best things. all the places you'll go. all the sights you'll see. all the friends you'll make. and i think that's true, every word of it, because exchange sounds amazing.

but they never mention what you'll be missing.

because when you sign up for a year, you may not exactly realize that you're going to be gone for, well, a year. there's a lot that can happen in a year, you know. people change, and places change, and friendships change. you gain a lot on your exchange year, but you will also be giving up quite a bit.
the more time i spend with my friends, the more i realize that this is a place where i belong. and that i will be leaving it behind once i leave. and that i will never quite be in this same spot again.

it's odd to think that high school goes so fast. i thought it lasted forever, and here i am, halfway through, doing something i would never have seen myself doing two years ago. it makes me feel very old and very young at the same time.

a few months ago i said goodbye to my normal school friends and classes and activities. there was the usual hugging and exchanging of email addresses and promises to stay in touch.
but it was different this time.
because every time someone said "will i see you next year" the answer wasn't "yes" or "maybe".
the answer was "no".
"no" because i am going on exchange. and at the end of the summer when you are buying notebooks and pencils and folders and stepping onto the bus for school, i will be buying my ticket and stepping onto a plane for another country.

and every time i look at a calendar, i remember:
in less than 10 days, i will be separated from my friends and family and everything that is safe and comfortable.
in less than 10 days i will be flying across the ocean toward my new country, toward my new family, toward my new home.
in less than 10 days, i will be gone.

questions I've been asked recently--part II

So, Sweden? That's cool.

I'm glad you think so! But I'm going to Switzerland.

Swaziland? Wow, exotic!!!

hahaha, no. I'm going to Switzerland.

Ohhhhh... Sound of Music, huh?

errr, that's Austria. Switzerland is next to it, bordered by France, Germany, Italy... oh, never mind. I'm going to Europe.

Great! Europe is wonderful. You're going to love it.

::laughs::

thanks. :)

You leave in less than 20 days. are you ready?
no.

...

what, you were expecting a different answer? *

I can't believe you're leaving! Will you Skype/call me every day?

um. no?

WHY NOT?!?!?

because I would love to talk to you! but I really am on exchange to learn about a culture, language, country, and people different from my own... which means that being online or on the phone constantly would undermine that :P

there is, also, the small matter of the 90-day rule.

The 90 day what?

the 90 day rule. it's a rule set up by Rotary for exchange students. basically, it states that you cannot Skype or call anyone from your home country (with the exception of your parents, when you get there) for the first 90 days.

so, if you'd like to talk to me on exchange, I'd love to talk to you too! shoot me an email, though. or send me a letter. I love letters. and I promise to reply if you send me one.

But I'm no good at writing letters.

great! now is the perfect time to learn. ♥

How's your German coming along?

oh no, not this question again.
My German is... passable. hopefully. I can understand the written emails my host mom sends me, and I can respond (with Google Translate as my editor, haha) in simple sentences. that said, I can't understand German spoken at full speed unless it's repeated, and I'm fairly sure my pronunciation is atrocious. thankfully, there are plenty of opportunities to practice in the next few months!

take pictures!!!

I will do that! (I also intend to sketch madly in the next couple of months, so expect to see plenty of awkward doodling on this blog soon.) Switzerland is beautiful and I can't wait to see it in person!

*see this post.

rivers, rapids, and what I learned about exchange while rafting

i ride the rapids for a reason.

well, that was rather cryptic. let me explain.

about a month ago, i went rafting with a youth group. the guide on our raft asked us to think about the river and what we could learn from it. at first i thought that was weird and a little too pocahontas-y--you know, "colors of the riverbend" or however that song goes--but because i enjoy thinking, i thought about it anyway.

and i realized that i am approaching a rapid very quickly--i am going to switzerland--and that scares me as if it WERE a rapid. and it frightens me, because people tell me stories about europe and horror stories about exchange and ask me why on earth i would want to go until i'm not even sure myself anymore. until i'm asking why. until i'm doubting ever riding the rapid in the first place.

but there, on the river, i realized why i want to go. it's for the same reason i want to ride the rapids. they are scary, yes, and they are mostly optional, yes, and in some ways they also carry danger. but at the same time, there are things you learn from the rapids that you never find on the smooth water. there's a joy and courage and strength and exhilaration that comes from riding the rapids--that feeling of victory and the thrill of being a part of what you really want to do. and if this is my rapid, my adventure, then i need to pursue it.

---

to put it another way: have you ever felt like maybe everything was too easy? not too easy in the way that nothing is hard enough... more too easy in the way that it's hard at the beginning, but after a couple days/weeks/months it becomes easier. commonplace. and not hard anymore.

and haven't you ever longed for something that would present a constant challenge? that would become your life, that would be something you live day in and day out? something that wouldn't become easier, but that would challenge you physically and mentally and socially all the time?

because i want something like that. i want to know that i am being challenged and that i have a story worth telling. and for me, that is the one thing that holds me to exchange--the fact that it is a growing experience like nothing i've ever seen before.

story of a girl: this is me

"anything is bloomable."

--sharon creech, bloomability

So I suppose that I'd better give some backstory before I go any farther.

In the winter of my freshman year, my mom and I read a book called The Global Student. It basically challenged the idea that you go through four years of high school, go through four years of college, and get a job. (the authors called it the "old school" path). Instead, they suggested that you go abroad for one of those years to get work experience, to learn about life, to learn another language, to experience a different culture, or all of the above.
Just like their kids did.

Well, obviously they were a little biased... but the book sparked my imagination. I loved the idea that I could go to another country and spend a tiny bit of my life somewhere else, experiencing the differences between here and there. And so I sent my local Rotary club an email about the short-term exchange that year.
Except that by that time, the short term exchange was full.
So I waited around. Did school. Went to summer camp. Almost forgot completely about Rotary.

And then last fall, I decided to apply for Rotary's exchange... their longterm one, the one that went for a full school year and required you to live abroad for 9-12 months. The book that we read recommended this exchange above all the others, but you could only go during your junior year so it wasn't on my radar screen. Also, it was for a whole year.
Anyway, I hadn't really thought about leaving for a year, but I figured that it was an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There's no harm trying, yes?

So I went to the meetings and interviews and that was it. I felt excited and scared and a little apprehensive, and I hoped they would like my applications and that I could go.
About one week later, they called me.

I didn't get in.

But, since the decision was 3-2 in favor of another girl, they still thought I was a promising candidate and they wanted me to be an alternate.
I had no idea what an alternate was.
They explained that I would be a short-term exchange program (STEP) applicant, and that I would basically fly standby and go abroad if there were any available slots for long term (LTEP) candidates. They assured me that after an exchange conference in January, I would know which program I would be going with. And so I said yes.
As far as I was concerned, there was no commitment to the LTEP program yet. I didn't really  think about it.

October passed.
November passed.
December passed.

In January I went dutifully to the exchange conference, and it was amazing. There were 8 (I think) of us alternates, and only four open slots, so they'd need to weed out some of us.
Except that they didn't. They wanted all of us to go.

And so they told us that they didn't know, and we should go to the longterm only conference in March and by then we would know if we. And so all of us nodded our heads and said we really wanted to pursue this, and yes we would go to the conference in March.

January passed.
February passed.

And then about a week before the conference, I received an email saying that I had been accepted to the Rotary Long Term Youth Exchange Program. I was thrilled. And I went to the conference.

The conference was a complete whirlwind. There were some details with my country choices (which I will explain later because this is a crazy long post anyhow), and I met one amazing person after another, and I couldn't believe this was actually happening because I only found out I was going a week ago, and so I went skiing and thought about my choices and thought about my choices and none of us really slept and all of us talked to the YEOs of the countries we were interested in (which for me basically meant all the YEOs because I wanted to visit every single country on the map) and finally on Saturday they announced our country selections.

And I was going to Switzerland.

How to explain that moment?
Well, I was ridiculously thrilled. I couldn't breathe. I cried because I was so happy, and I couldn't say anything for about half an hour (which, for those of you who know me, is very unnatural).

It's still only just beginning to sink in, after months of knowing.

I, Hannah Chinn, am going to Switzerland.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!