days > 365 -- blooming

advice for future exchange students #29:

take time to bloom.

seriously. do what makes you happy,

but most importantly,

do what makes you grow and learn and change.

that's what matters.

(yes, i'm skipping ahead about 100 days from my most recent countdown update. explanation below.)

the last 100 days of my exchange were amazing... and i decided to prioritize enjoying my exchange, making memories, spending time with the people i care about, etc. which means that i neglected my blog.
for those of you who keep track of me via this blog, i'm really sorry-- but i did have amazing and wonderful experiences and i WILL share them! only, not exactly in real time. ;)

the sharp pain of goodbyes IS a real thing, and reverse culture shock is ALSO totally a real thing, and secondhomesickness/hostsickness is also a VERY. REAL. THING. but i'm learning, and i'm changing, and i like to believe that this is helping me to grow up. to "bloom", if you want to be super cheesy.

so, here's what Hannah has been doing in the past no-longer-blogging-days: (not chronologically)

• came home.
• said a lot of tearful goodbyes. my class, my families, my friends... i'm awful at goodbyes and prolonging them over a few weeks was not the best way to go. also, i cried for one and a half hours in my first flight to the US.
• saw The Fault In Our Stars in German. still have not seen it in english... hmmm...
• dreamed and is dreaming in Swiss German. still. :/
• went to summer camp.
• celebrated my bestie's birthday.
• went on a camping trip with my family (a very long one) and realized just how unused i am to road trips. TWO HOURS in the car?!? WHAT???
• went on an extended-family vacation at the beach. Oregon Coast, i have missed you.
• spoke Swiss German (hooray!) with the conference speaker at our beach vacation center. it blessed me so much and made me ridiculously happy. 
• went to my first American Rotary meeting in a year. it was amazing to realize just how much people in this group have invested in me and my exchange, and to get a chance to thank them for that. Rotary has problems sometimes, yes, but overall, it basically rocks.
• speaking of Rotary, our Rebound (returning exchange student) weekend finished today! I can't believe how much we've changed in the past year, and how much all of us have learned. it's probably one of the weirdest and yet most amazing shifts i've ever seen.
• and this year no longer terrifies me or worries me as much as it used to. because i am realizing how much more i am capable of.

that's it for now!

love love love,

hannah

rivers, rapids, and what I learned about exchange while rafting

i ride the rapids for a reason.

well, that was rather cryptic. let me explain.

about a month ago, i went rafting with a youth group. the guide on our raft asked us to think about the river and what we could learn from it. at first i thought that was weird and a little too pocahontas-y--you know, "colors of the riverbend" or however that song goes--but because i enjoy thinking, i thought about it anyway.

and i realized that i am approaching a rapid very quickly--i am going to switzerland--and that scares me as if it WERE a rapid. and it frightens me, because people tell me stories about europe and horror stories about exchange and ask me why on earth i would want to go until i'm not even sure myself anymore. until i'm asking why. until i'm doubting ever riding the rapid in the first place.

but there, on the river, i realized why i want to go. it's for the same reason i want to ride the rapids. they are scary, yes, and they are mostly optional, yes, and in some ways they also carry danger. but at the same time, there are things you learn from the rapids that you never find on the smooth water. there's a joy and courage and strength and exhilaration that comes from riding the rapids--that feeling of victory and the thrill of being a part of what you really want to do. and if this is my rapid, my adventure, then i need to pursue it.

---

to put it another way: have you ever felt like maybe everything was too easy? not too easy in the way that nothing is hard enough... more too easy in the way that it's hard at the beginning, but after a couple days/weeks/months it becomes easier. commonplace. and not hard anymore.

and haven't you ever longed for something that would present a constant challenge? that would become your life, that would be something you live day in and day out? something that wouldn't become easier, but that would challenge you physically and mentally and socially all the time?

because i want something like that. i want to know that i am being challenged and that i have a story worth telling. and for me, that is the one thing that holds me to exchange--the fact that it is a growing experience like nothing i've ever seen before.

days < 60 -- counting

piece of advice for future outbounds #1:

keep track of how much time you have before you go--and make the most of it.

so today i checked my fancy little countdown timer and my mind was blown again.
it has a habit of doing that.
particularly when i check that timer.

so i probably shouldn't be surprised.
except that i still am.

things to celebrate in the past 10 days:

• my show ended! well, not that I'm happy it ended--the finality of show run and strike is always bittersweet--but i'm so glad I got to participate in one last journey theater show before i leave. these people are amazing and i'm so blessed to be with them.
• and my swing dance class ended too. I've enjoyed this class more than i expected, and i'm now officially addicted to swing dancing. (funny story: I was doing the shim sham at the bus stop near an intersection. it was about 11am and as one guy drove by he stuck his head out the window, took his eyes completely off the road, and gave me a "what-on-earth-is-that-crazy-girl-doing-and-why-isn't-she-in-school-and-is-she-actually-dancing-and-she-must-be-homeschooled" look. luckily there were no accidents. it totally made my day.)
• I made it past Rosetta German level 1. seriously, I thought the milestone would never end. but anyhow, I'm very proud of myself. now I only have four more levels left to go... (there are four units per level and four lessons per unit and an average of seven sections per lesson, so however many that is. I can't add right now, it's too late at night.)
• the Swiss Rotary is applying for my GA card, which is a train pass that allows me to ride public transit for free. This is probably one of my favorite things about Switzerland :)
• school is over! I still have review math to do, but I'm officially finished with most of my other classes so I consider summer to have begun.

and, now that summer has begun, I'm making a list of things to do this summer before I leave. some of the things on my list are serious (volunteer at camp and impact at least one kid's life) and some of them are not-so-serious (be in a flash mob).

got any ideas for me?