i'm not ready

the most common question i get now:
"are you ready?"

and normally i smile and say yes, sure, absolutely, thrilled, etc.
but i thought about it and i realized that no, i'm not.

it freaks me out to think that i will be getting on a plane and living without my family and friends here for a year. i feel too young and too inexperienced and too whatever to possibly be ready.

but every time i've ever felt scared and worried and stressed about something that i know i want to do, i've felt unready. and somehow by the time i am doing it, i am ready. i'm not sure what happens inside when i become ready... there's only the fact  that when the moment of truth comes, i am. and i trust myself to know when i will be.

so no, i'm not ready.

but you know what?

i will be.