Saturday, January 24, 2015

days > 500 -- living

advice for future exchange students #30:
moving on is hard.
in more ways than one.
some of them you will handle well,
and others you will handle not-so-well,
but i guess that's life.

over the past six months, i have learned something important about myself. 
i am the type of person who lives in the present.

this is not always a good thing.

i am great at caring for people with immediate needs, i am constantly thinking "oh i wonder how i can make this better, i wonder if i can help with that, i wonder if this could be organized", i am good at focusing on one thing and throwing myself completely into it.


i am awful at keeping in touch with people, i am constantly thinking "oh, i should talk to them, but maybe they've forgotten me, oh i'd better not", i am bad at doing the basic little things that long-distance (or any distance, really) friendships require.

and i am not proud of that.

i think, for any exchanger to actually continue life after exchange, you have to be able to balance your past, your present and your future. which sounds half-mystic and half-disney, but it's true.

i am not good at balancing my past. :/
and i'm working on it.

so, with that in mind, here's what has happened in the past, present, and future:

  • i was in a production of Robin Hood, which turned out to be a majorly growing experience in my life. it was exhausting and draining and nervewracking and wonderful. 
  • also, my sister and i went to Nicaragua to study Spanish. that was exciting. you can read about it on our (half-finished) blog here.
  • New Year week was a crazy mix of being sick, of snorkeling and Hawaiian pastries, of essays and college applications, of auditions and journaling and late-night conversations.
  • taking classes at community college to finish out my year
  • doing theater, which is fantastic
  • realizing that people here mean a TON to me, and wondering how i could ever leave
  • but at the same time, wondering what life outside my own little corner is like
  • which is confusing

  • college? travel? life? EVERYTHING IS A GIANT QUESTION MARK HELP.
  • i am finding out that while exchange made me much more sure of who i am as a person...
  • made me much less sure of what i want to do.

anyway. that's your (long overdue) update for anyone who still reads this little blog.
love love love,