note to self: do not miss the bus

I missed it today by one minute, which is why I'm now sitting at the bus stop writing this. Swiss buses are always -- always -- on time, meaning that they leave one minute or less after they arrive and if you're 30 seconds too late the bus will have cheerfully departed without you on it.
I would like to say that I immediately resolved to be on time for everything and never to miss anything in my schedule ever again. 

I didn't. 

Instead, after 3 minutes of hoping against hope that the bus was late and 2 minutes of inspecting the bus schedule to verify that the next bus was, indeed, 29 minutes later, I sat down and began to complain. Not out loud, mind you. It was in my head -- and what a lot of complaining I did! In 15 minutes I had blamed the bus, my village, the time on my cell phone, the class time change, the day, my shoes, my alarm clock, and the transit system in general. I'm very efficient that way.

And then I realized. 

You see, in Rotary the consistent thing they tell you is that it's your exchange. Yours and nobody else's.
And many times before today, I'd appreciated that the buses came and left on time, that there was always a connection, that I never had to doubt the train system or the consistency of the bus. And so, if I miss the bus, it's my own responsibility, my own fault.  

Mine and nobody else's.  

And as I stepped onto the bus and sat down, I realized just how ridiculously selfish I was being. Everything that I was complaining about was a gift: the class, the teacher, my cell phone, my village, the day, the GA for the transit system, and way more. And all of those were a part of one big undeserved gift -- the fact that I was on exchange. In Switzerland, no less. 

 ...

And so that's what I've been telling myself today. That every day is a discovery, that every hour is a gift, because I am in SWITZERLAND, on my foreign exchange. 

Mine, 

and nobody else's.

days < 30 -- repacking

piece of advice for future outbound students #4:

be prepared to leave at any time. you never know what might happen.

i'm still not absolutely sure when i'm leaving. it could be anywhere from the first to the ninth of August, because my travel agency hasn't given me a schedule yet.

that said, they also haven't given me my visa yet...
and they have yet to send my passport back...
...so i may not be leaving on time after all...

i'm hoping everything goes well, and i trust the travel agency. so we'll see!

things that have happened in the past 10 days:

• finally, i got to visit the rotary club of tillamook! in a rather roundabout way, they helped to make my exchange possible. I was an alternate (see this post to know what that means), and by sponsoring an inbound they provided an extra outbound slot. so it was wonderful to meet the rotarians there, and they were all super nice :)
• family retreat which involved murky ponds, ridiculously fast slides, bananagrams, and sandblasting. it was fun to make memories, and somehow everything was different because i know that i'm leaving. i'm not sure if that makes sense or not.
• still attempting to read books in german (see this post).
• also still attempting to stuff all my shoes in one suitcase. i never realized how many pairs of shoes i own until i tried to pack them. 
• shoes are hard to pack. did you know that?

the end.

i'm not ready

the most common question i get now:
"are you ready?"

and normally i smile and say yes, sure, absolutely, thrilled, etc.
but i thought about it and i realized that no, i'm not.

it freaks me out to think that i will be getting on a plane and living without my family and friends here for a year. i feel too young and too inexperienced and too whatever to possibly be ready.

but every time i've ever felt scared and worried and stressed about something that i know i want to do, i've felt unready. and somehow by the time i am doing it, i am ready. i'm not sure what happens inside when i become ready... there's only the fact  that when the moment of truth comes, i am. and i trust myself to know when i will be.

so no, i'm not ready.

but you know what?

i will be.

in which I write a normal post

(magden. i didn't take this picture, my host family sent it to me)

I've realized that I haven't actually updated you on anything that's happened since the District Conference. I've only posted random philosophical things, which (while fun to write), are not the most informative blog posts ever.

Sorry.

Since March I've heard from my host family. They live in a small village named Magden, (which is absolutely gorgeous) in the Basel region and near the intersection of the French, German, and Swiss borders. I will be going to school 45 minutes away in a city called Muttenz.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled.

Speaking of school, Swiss schools operate differently than American schools. Although that doesn't really bother me since I've never been to either...
I'll attend Gymnasium, which is basically another level of high school for Swiss students who are collegebound. My schedule will fluctuate throughout the week, with some days starting at 8 and going till 5, and other days starting at 10 and ending at 12. There are more subjects to juggle in a day, but the lessons are shorter (my host mom says that they last 45 or 50 minutes?) Also, from what I've heard, I don't have any homework and I can finish it all in school! Hooray :)

Meanwhile, things have been moving along here. Preparations for my visa, for my GA card in Switzerland, for language camp and for school and for everything that seems far away now but will be familiar and normal in a year. It's odd to think that all around the world, other kids are doing this exact same thing. Other kids have done this exact same thing. Call me self-centered, but for some reason it feels so much different for me to do it than it does for me to hear about others doing it.

I've actually begun to think about packing, early as it seems. I know I'm not supposed to bring too much stuff (Switzerland does have shopping, believe it or not :) ) but I have the odd impulse to bring as much of my belongings as possible, just to have things from home. At the same time, the stories that YEOs tell about coming with only a change of clothes and shoes and a carryon--well, that sounds adventurous, slightly risky, and extremely appealing.
Knowing me, I'll probably be somewhere in between the two extremes. There should be some sort of packing list... when I finally leave maybe I'll write one for all the future outbounds to follow me. Or maybe I won't, just so that they can experience the delightful wondering of whether they've packed everything they need and do they need shampoo or should they buy it there and do they need a year's worth of lotion and what if none of their clothing fits in and should they bring peanut butter and oh why is packing so complicatedly boring?

Anyhow.

I should probably be practicing my German more often--currently I'm in the middle of Dress Week for a musical, so I haven't had all that much free time. Still, I'm doing some vocabulary work through Language Perfect and practicing on Duolingo when I get the chance. I'm also carrying a German grammar book with me basically everywhere, hoping that it'll transfer its secrets to me simply by the fact that I am in its immediate vicinity. Maybe languages can be absorbed through the skin?

Oh well, one can always hope.