my life as a disney movie: or, why exchange is basically exactly the same thing as tangled

1. When you live in your home country, life is good. you're busy, you're productive, you're successful by most normal standards.

and yet somehow you've always, just vaguely, wanted to know what the world is like. what things are different on the other side of the globe. what lies beyond the world you've always known.

2. a lot of people tell you life outside is dangerous. scary. life-threatening, even. they tell you they care about you and they don't want to see you fail. they tell you you are safe here, there is no reason to leave.

it scares you.

3.  at the same time, you feel ridiculously cool and exciting whenever you tell someone your plans for the next year. (yay! finally! plans!) 

i mean, look at how independent you are.

...most of the time.

4. as soon as that airplane door closes, you realize that you are actually really truly doing this. it is a feeling of exhilaration and terrifiedness at the same time.

but mostly terrifiedness.

5. when you first enter your host country, everything is exactly like you dreamed! it's wonderful and amazing and beautiful and AHHHHHHH. you're in heaven.

6. then, somewhere along the way, you start realizing the consequences of your decisions. your attitude changes five times approximately every two seconds. it's very dramatic.

7. you meet the rotarians. they are scary.

then you get over it and realize they've all got dreams too. language is different and culture is different, but people are simply people, all over the world. 

(hooray for disney bonding time.)

8. you meet a lot of wonderful people.

you see a lot of wonderful things.

and you fall in love with this country.

9. you realize that you have been somehow preparing for this all your life -- that your study abroad has crept into all parts of your existence and permeated it with the love of the unknown, the need for adventure.

you belong where you are unsafe and uncomfortable and awkward. you have made friends and lived through disaster and grown up a little more here. you've found that you are more capable than you know.

and most importantly,

adventures still lie ahead.

a little note for context:

my host family and i were watching Tangled (in German, it's called simply "Rapunzel") one weekend, and I realized just how much it mirrored my life on exchange. enjoy!

one last thought on swiss school: a story

note: at the end of the semester, i saw something that made me think about the exact impact of swiss high school on my friends. hopefully it'll make you think about it too.

---

one girl in my class has worked ridiculously hard to stay in school. she's studied french and english and even italian as a free subject. it meant so much to her to be in our class, and yet her grades were teetering on the edge. we'd done the math, and so as we all walked into english class and the teacher started announcing the scores, we also knew that this grade was the one that mattered. this grade was the one that would tip the balance.

it sounds funny, even a little ridiculous that so much drama should be attached to one small grade. but it wasn't just a grade-- if her grade was insufficient, she'd have to leave school. she couldn't come back in january, and she'd have to wait till summer and repeat the whole year.

there was complete silence when our teacher got to her name. a group of students gathered around her chair, waiting and hoping and dreading at the same time.

and then our teacher announced the grade, and it was enough. the girl was staying.
she'd made it.

there was a brief pause and then everyone started screaming and hugging her and screaming again and jumping up and down and shouting congratulations. it was crazy, all seventeen of us freaking out over a tiny number on a piece of paper.

so then i looked over at the girl. she was completely silent, speechless, sitting in her chair.

she had the biggest smile i've ever seen,

and tears were running down her face.

thoughts on american, european, and home school

so recently i've been getting a rather frustrating amount of college-related emails. while it's nice to know that they're interested in me (nothing like being wanted) it's a bit overwhelming to realize that i will have to be going home and making school-related decisions AGAIN in about 6 months.

::sigh::

with that in mind, i thought i'd give you a quick glimpse into the three types of school systems i've now gotten the change to see... homeschool, american public school, and swiss school. 

WARNING. THIS IS A LONG AND NERDY POST. (punctuated by random pictures of a french castle. you know, just for variation.)

a lot of you reading my blog know this already, but i've been homeschooled for most of my life. contrary to popular belief, this does not mean that i have no social life or that i am only at home with my parents and siblings all day. in general, i take multiple different classes (spanish, art, literature, writing, debate, science, etc.) outside of the house... there are two or three hours of teaching or lectures weekly and then a lot of homework that's assigned over the rest of the week. so yes, i'm homeschooled, but yes, i have friends. :)

the benefits of homeschooling for me were multiple. 

firstly, i've gotten to "squish" my education around in a way that other kids normally don't-- freshman year of high school i wrote, printed, and sold an advice book, sophomore year i participated in debate club and applied to rotary exchange, and this year i'm spending in switzerland. all in all, not a bad combination.

more importantly, i've become fairly independent. while i may not be an adult yet, i'm pretty self-motivated when it comes to schoolwork and projects and learning things, plus i've learned to be annoyingly persistent. this means that school in general isn't a huge struggle for me... i know what to expect from myself and how hard i need to work in order to get results.

that said, i do wish i'd been more prepared for the world around me. my parents have always encouraged me to ask questions, but unfortunately i can't say that for the homeschooling sphere in general. we might not like to admit it, but homeschoolers (and the conservative church, which is pretty related where i'm from) can be judgmental, closed-minded, and shockingly unwilling to challenge their own beliefs. this was really frustrating for me at the beginning of my year.

most of the kids from the usa that are here were enrolled in american high school. contrary to homeschooler belief, this is not the root of all evils. i promise. 

in my opinion, there are benefits (schedule and structure, more people, school clubs and teams and extracurriculars) that i definitely missed out on. as a homeschooler, i think i've been sheltered to a lot of the world, and so my first few months here were partly spent being surprised haha.

at the same time, there are other factors that i gladly skipped. peer pressure, a bazillion people per classroom, drama, etc., etc., etc. i'm not going to pass judgement on something i don't have personal experience with, but i know people who've gone and stated they were unhappy with the American high school system in general.

swiss high school, at first glance, seems like the solution to everything. when i first got here, i was amazed at the differences... at 16, you have the option of either working as an apprentice or continuing with school. every kid has to make a certain grade point average to stay in the class, and so consequently everyone who's there actually wants to be there. kids study and worry about grades and pay attention in class, simply because that is the way the system works. if you don't want to go, you drop out and start working. it's simple as that, and the benefits are obvious.

what i didn't realize then was that sometimes, school causes problems. there are some kids in my class who are naturally smart and almost never show up in class, and then magically have good grades. there are others who have to work extremely hard and yet still have bad grades. and that isn't fair, that isn't right, and it makes me upset. yet it's the only thing that my classmates have known.

what do you think?

days > 130 -- celebrating

today i remember and celebrate:
the story that started at the beginning of time and lasts for eternity,
the gift that is completely undeserved and unreasonable, and yet given anyway,
the light that shines in the middle of darkness,
the love for a people who were so broken that they are incapable of truly loving,
the life that once gone, lives again and conquers death for all time,

the hope that is given to stay with us,
to be our light and our love and our life
forever.

wherever you are, whatever you call home, in whichever language you speak:
merry, merry christmas.

on the seventh day of christmas

on the seventh day of christmas

 my exchange gave to me
seven for a family
six lovely months
five languages

four advent days

three families

two traditions

and a new look at bloomability

so this is possibly one of the few things that has made my exchange what it is, and how amazing it is... it's a quick blog post and a long story.

you see, when i first met all these people, we were in a new country, learning a new language, meeting new families and friends. and to be honest, we aren't really that much alike. we clashed personality-wise and culture-wise and everything. i thought i would never, ever belong to this group, and i wasn't at all sure that i wanted to.

but you know what?

i was wrong. 

and i'm so glad that i was.

today, these seven people make up the rest of my exchanger family. we've gone through a lot, and it hasn't been all that easy, but we share a bond that not everyone is lucky enough to have. it's amazing to me, to realize that i've only known these people for a few months, and yet i have changed so much and they have changed so much, and i can't imagine never seeing them again.

and we are an exchange family.

we are a complicated,

oddly-grouped,

never-could-be-guessed,

beautiful family.

my life in switzerland -- a german post!

So I wrote something in german while the rest of my class was writing essays...

I'd say that this is a pretty good indicator of my somewhat lacking German skills. (German speaking friends, please feel free to edit this.)

Anyway. Here you go. (And yes, I'll be posting the translation sometime afterwards... but I wrote this in German and so I have to rewrite it in English to post a translation.)

---

Als ich erst hier gekommen war, habe ich mich sechsmal in zwei Wochen im Bad eingeschlossen.

Alles war fremd... alles, von die Supermärkte zu die Kirchen zu die Fahrpläne, war anders als in Amerika. Ich fühlte mich, als ob alles waren speziell gemacht, um Ausländer zu verwirren. Und vielleicht das stimmt.

Das erste Ding war die Sprache.

Viele Leute haben gesagt, dass Deutsch eine einfache Sprache zu lernen ist. Leider, viele von diese Leute haben Deutsch nie gesprochen. Deutsch hat Aussprache, wer English-sprechende Leute brauchen nicht, und umgekehrt. Die Grammatik ist anders. Und die Artikeln. Und die Präpositionen. Und die Wörter.

Am Anfang habe ich viel gelernt. Ich habe immer Sprachen gern gehabt... aber Deutsch ist nicht wie Spanisch, oder Chinesisch, oder Lateinisch. Und nach den ersten Wochen, habe ich nicht so viel gelernt, weil es war schwieriger.

Es ist immer noch schwierig, und ich muss es jeden Tag schreiben und lesen und sprechen. Jetzt denke ich in Deutsch, aber es immer besser in meinem Gehirn ist, als wenn ich sprechen oder schreiben will.

Das zweite Ding war die Kultur.

Ob man möchtest, extrem peinlich zu sein, 24/7, für die nächste Jahr von sein Leben... er soll ein Austauschjahr machen. Eben, die einfachste Aufgaben waren schwierig zu verstehen, schwieriger zu erklären, und noch schwieriger zu machen. Ich habe immer das Gefühl gehabt, dass all die andere Leute lachen wurden, bei der Amerikanerin, wer nicht wusste, wie man die Bus-Tür öffnet.

Zum Beispiel, Schweizerzeit ist anders als Amerikanerzeit. Der Bus wartet nur eine Minute für eine Haltestelle. Die Züge kommen immer pünktlich (oder wenn nicht, sie sagen das an der Fahrplanschild).

Und noch mehr: Man sagt immer „En Guete“ vor essen. Wenn man zu einer Party kommt, er muss immer alle Leute grüßen. Man liest, schreibt, und spricht Hochdeutsch in der Schule und in formal Beruf, aber spricht Schweizerdeutsch mit Freunden, Familie, und in den Supermärkte.

Und das letzte Ding waren die Menschen.

Meine Klasse ist die beste Klasse der ganze FMS, und der ganze Welt. Aber am Anfang... Sie waren freundlich und nett, klar, aber ich habe immer das Gefühl, dass ich nicht wirklich ein Teil von der Klasse war. Dass ich „die Austauschschülerin“ war. Anders.

Aber wirklich, es war hart. Normalerweise bin ich die erste in meiner Klasse und immer in die Mitte meinen Freunden und Freundinnen. Hier... nicht.

Eine Nebeneffekt, der als peinlich, allein am meisten von der Zeit zu sein. Und so war es, so war es für ein oder zwei Monate oder so.

Und dann etwas ist geändert.

Ich weiß nicht was. Vielleicht es war Deutsch, oder Schweizerdeutsch, oder einfach Zeit. Aber jetzt fühle ich mich wie ein Mädchen wer in der Schule geht, ein Mädchen wer in die Schweiz ist, ein Mädchen wer gehört in meiner Klasse. Denke ich, vielleicht jetzt ich beginne zu gehören.J

Und vielleicht beginne ich zu gehören. Hier.

Und raten Sie was?

Ich habe mich nie mehr im Bad eingeschlossen.

---

stars

i'm walking home from choir, the same thing i do every thursday. there is music singing in my head, notes shining like silver on the tip of my tongue. the village is quiet. 

i'm not sure why... maybe it's the lack of light pollution or something... but there are always more stars than i've ever seen in my village. they literally reach past the horizon, which makes the sky somehow seem a lot bigger than it does in the daytime.  

it's dizzying at first, a little frightening to realize that there are so many different giant burning things in the sky. That our sun is so very small, and our earth is so very small, and we ourselves are practically nonexistent in the universe. and really, why do i even matter?
i remember one of my friends saying she didn't like to think about it. it made her feel too tiny.
but at the same time, it is somehow nice to feel tiny. to look up and feel dwarfed by the stars and to know that no matter how awfully you messed up your language today, they will all go on shining. and that what you do doesn't really affect the universe, not at all. 

the sky is deep and black and filled with stars.
and the constellations look different. they are different. they are not the same as they are at home.
the first time i saw the Big Dipper, i almost fell over because it was in a different place. switzerland is almost the same latitude as portland, so i suppose that doesn't make too much sense. but for some reason all the constellations look bigger, or brighter, or lower somehow. they're almost in the right places, but not quite.  

even the constellations, then, are a constant reminder that i am not at home.
that i am not where i know, where i understand.
that i am not in the place where i belong. 

and yet...
some things don't change. the sky is different, and the constellations look different. but the stars are the stars that i have always seen, will always see.
 the biggest visible things in my life, the biggest things in our universe, continue to do what they have always done. the moons orbit around each other, the planets whirl on their axes, the stars burn bright. no matter what, they stay constant. they don't change.

and so i'm walking home from choir, the same thing i do every thursday. there is music singing in my head, notes shining like silver on the tip of my tongue. the village is quiet.
the sky is deep and black and filled with stars.
and the constellations look different. 

but the stars? 

the stars are always the same.

vienna: in which hannah rode the scariest carnival ride of her life

(so, I'm finally getting around to writing about austria... about a month afterwards... but let's ignore that small fact, shall we?)

The very first day we arrived in Vienna, we went to the Prater. This is an amusement park, famous for its 212 foot Riesenrad (Ferris Wheel). But I'm not going to talk about that wheel right now... because I rode something a little more terrifying.

---

Its name was EXTASY and it was one of those bright rides with loud music, the kind that you can't help but look at as you pass by. (see the blurry picture to the side.)

As we walked closer, I realized that the seats were spinning. In fact, they were spinning very fast.
They were also sideways.

Well, I tried to see what the other riders looked like (I tend to judge rides based on the expressions of the people in them) but there appeared to be only 4 other kids on the entire ride and they were spinning so fast it was hard to tell what they looked like. They were holding very tightly to their seats, and just as I turned away to talk to my host mom, they started screaming.

In retrospect, it would have been good if I had turned around to see that part of the ride. I did not.

And so when my host parents asked me if I would go, I remembered the exchange student creed "say yes" and did so. I told myself I could handle this easily... tilting wasn't so bad. This was an adventure!
Walking towards the entrance, my host mom pointed out a sign that read "ACHTUNG -- NICHT FÜR SCHWACHE NERVEN" [Attention -- Not For Weak Nerves]. I laughed and took it as a joke.
(Note to self -- Germans don't joke.)

My little sister Delia and I walked through the entrance and into the ride. One of those metal locks -- the kind that goes over your whole body and that they put on loop the loop roller coasters -- came down. Now I was locked in. And it was too late to leave.

The seats began to spin -- and boy, were they fast! They whirled around each other and tilted until we were sideways. And I mean really, lying down sideways-spinning, the kind that makes your stomach forget its rightful place in your body and makes your heart threaten to come out your mouth. It was terrifying and fun and exciting, and all the time we whirled at 90 miles an hour with music blaring like sirens.
Finally the ride slowed down and we were right side up again and my host sister looked at each other and laughed and prepared to get out.

We were interrupted by a happy voice in German cheerily announcing something into the ride. Rather unfortunately, the shock and spinning had driven all German vocabulary from my brain, so I had no idea what was going on.

And then the whole world turned upside down.

It was rather unexpected, but after rudely turning on its head, it proceeded to spin. And spin. And spin. I didn't think it was possible, but we were spinning even faster than before--and all of a sudden someone started pumping blue smoke into the ride--

the rest was a blur of me screaming and Delia screaming and smoke and flashing lights and whirling minds and loud music and I'm pretty sure this machine was a torture device in its former life...

and it was terrifying.

But it was AWESOME.

---

and then of course I went on a scarier ride about 3 weeks later...
...but that's a story for another time. ;)

a day in the basler herbstmesse

note: this is the third of a series of posts I'm writing about Switzerland and the places I've been. Solely for the purpose of having fun (and to exercise my travel writing skills) I'm going to write about it in second person. Which means you, the reader, are semi-virtually coming with me. bring good shoes.

No one in Basel has really been able to describe Herbstmesse to you... apparently it's not exactly like anything that we have in America, besides which it only exists in Basel so there is nothing to compare it to in

the other Swiss cities. What you have managed to glean from the various stories is threefold:

1) Herbstmesse is a mixture of carnival, market, tourist attraction, historical celebration, and fair.
2) Herbstmesse is exclusive. Kääskiechli, Rosenküchlein, Messmogge, the Riesenrad... apparently all of them can be found at the Herbstmesse, and only at the Herbstmesse.
3) Herbstmesse is something to which you absolutely, positively, without a doubt, must go.
And so, on Saturday morning, you dutifully lace up your sneakers, grab your camera, and step out the door. You are on an exploration.

Riding a tram into the heart of Basel, you have plenty of time to look around and observe the differences. At first glance, there aren't that many-- it's a normal Saturday afternoon with people and cars and trams ferrying everyone back and forth through the city-- but then you look harder. And you notice the amount of people.

Saturdays are always fairly busy, because most stores in Switzerland are closed on Sundays and that only really leaves Saturday to get weekend-type-things done. But today is CRAZY. There are people everywhere, in the train station and in the grocery store and in the middle of the street (which makes the trams considerably slower, as they have to slow down for every Swiss person who decides to walk over the tram tracks).

As you near your first stop (Barfüsserplatz, for those of you who know Basel), the reason for all the people becomes clearer. There are amusement park rides and cotton candy stands and everything that would normally be at a carnival, except Swiss-ified. This is wonderful when it comes to the food (little cheese pies fresh out of the oven? Yes please!) but not so wonderful when it comes to the prices (10 francs for a stick of chocolate-dipped strawberries? Um, maybe not).

There are multiple different places throughout Basel where Herbstmesse is celebrated. Barfüsserplatz sits in the middle of the city, hawking desserts and balloons and rides. Petersplatz has a market with a hundred or so stalls selling everything from jewelry to food to ornaments to candles. Claraplatz holds the classic amusement park rides, including one for 12 francs that swings you at a dizzying speed over the city. Munsterplatz has the gigantic Riesenrad (Ferris wheel) and can be seen from almost anywhere in Basel. Messeplatz is full of new rides and an assortment of foods. All of them are definitely worth the visit.

Officially, Herbstmesse doesn't start until 12 noon, when a tiny church in the middle of the city rings its bells. True to this tradition, none of the rides are running yet. There are ridiculously long lines of children in front of the biggest rides, because another tradition is that the first ride on each "Bahn" is free. They're waiting anxiously for a signal from the ride operator.

You, though, are looking for something else. And so you climb up the stairs that overlook the square and stand.
Waiting.

And then it comes. The bells... quiet at first, but then louder, more insistent, clearer.
Everyone goes silent for a moment.
Just like that, Herbstmesse has begun!

The rides hiss and clank to a start and the Ferris wheel starts to move and the other clocks in the city chime together and the children shriek in excitement.

And you wait,
listening to the bells,
listening to the rides,
listening to the people.

note to self: do not miss the bus

I missed it today by one minute, which is why I'm now sitting at the bus stop writing this. Swiss buses are always -- always -- on time, meaning that they leave one minute or less after they arrive and if you're 30 seconds too late the bus will have cheerfully departed without you on it.
I would like to say that I immediately resolved to be on time for everything and never to miss anything in my schedule ever again. 

I didn't. 

Instead, after 3 minutes of hoping against hope that the bus was late and 2 minutes of inspecting the bus schedule to verify that the next bus was, indeed, 29 minutes later, I sat down and began to complain. Not out loud, mind you. It was in my head -- and what a lot of complaining I did! In 15 minutes I had blamed the bus, my village, the time on my cell phone, the class time change, the day, my shoes, my alarm clock, and the transit system in general. I'm very efficient that way.

And then I realized. 

You see, in Rotary the consistent thing they tell you is that it's your exchange. Yours and nobody else's.
And many times before today, I'd appreciated that the buses came and left on time, that there was always a connection, that I never had to doubt the train system or the consistency of the bus. And so, if I miss the bus, it's my own responsibility, my own fault.  

Mine and nobody else's.  

And as I stepped onto the bus and sat down, I realized just how ridiculously selfish I was being. Everything that I was complaining about was a gift: the class, the teacher, my cell phone, my village, the day, the GA for the transit system, and way more. And all of those were a part of one big undeserved gift -- the fact that I was on exchange. In Switzerland, no less. 

 ...

And so that's what I've been telling myself today. That every day is a discovery, that every hour is a gift, because I am in SWITZERLAND, on my foreign exchange. 

Mine, 

and nobody else's.

saying goodbye

i promised myself i wouldn't cry.

and i didn't. i didn't cry at the end of school. i didn't cry at my goodbye party. i didn't cry when all my bags were packed, or when we left the house, or during the car ride.

except then i said goodbye to my family, and that promise basically flew out the window.

it was hard to say goodbye to my grandparents and my aunt and my parents and my sisters and my little brother. still, they know that i will only be gone for a year.

but how do you explain exchange to a two-year-old?

my littlest sister doesn't know that i'm leaving for a year. she can't comprehend that i will be in another country. she doesn't understand that when i leave, i will be living on the other side of the world.

and so i look at her and tell her the things i know to be true.
"hannah is going
 far away,
and you will not see her
for a long, long time.
but you know what?
hannah loves you,
and she's coming back."

"i'm coming back."

august's lovely links -- pre-exchange favorite posts

this "lovely links" is a bit different because I'm going to post my favorite pre-exchange links from this blog. in case you're just beginning to read my blog and you don't want to read through everything, I'll also explain some of it throughout this post.

also, Sound of Music isn't from Switzerland, it's from Austria. But I couldn't resist using some of the lyrics anyway.

let's start at the very beginning:
I first applied for the Rotary Long Term exchange program in the fall of 2012, and I was accepted as an alternate (a replacement, if you will, for the primary candidate). I went to the first Rotary week in January, and they still didn't know whether I would be able to go. about a week before the Rotary Youth Exchange weekend in February, I received an email saying that they found a slot for me and that I was accepted into the program. I screamed my head off.
That week was crazy. We talked to people and learned about countries and went through culture training and finally received our country selections on Saturday. I started my blog back in May, after the district conference. This post describes the process a little more clearly, and the following one is what happened between the February weekend and the May conference. :)

a very good place to start:
My feelings were basically all over the place. the exchange seemed surreal and the preparation was rather overwhelming. in addition, I knew I'd miss everything at home --- exchange wasn't an escape for me. but I knew that this was something I really, really wanted. and so the months went by.

when you read you begin with:
German is a difficult language. if you have an extra half hour, you should look up "the awful German language" by Mark Twain... the language isn't actually that bad, but the essay is funny.

Also during the summer, I answered a lot of questions. a lot.
a LOT.

when you exchange you begin with:
as the day came closer, it began to sink in that I actually was going. I had the whole summer to think through why I wanted to do this seemingly crazy and potentially overwhelming thing, which helped. I also realized that I'd be saying goodbye to a lot of things (that seems really obvious, now that I think about it.)

favorite post so far, though, goes to stamps. it's a short description/story I wrote on the fly, and I'm surprised that I ended up liking it so much. hopefully you will too?

dreams, doubt, and saying goodbye

just because something is a bloomability does not mean that it comes without its fair share of doubt.

when you sign up for exchange, they tell you about the best things. all the places you'll go. all the sights you'll see. all the friends you'll make. and i think that's true, every word of it, because exchange sounds amazing.

but they never mention what you'll be missing.

because when you sign up for a year, you may not exactly realize that you're going to be gone for, well, a year. there's a lot that can happen in a year, you know. people change, and places change, and friendships change. you gain a lot on your exchange year, but you will also be giving up quite a bit.
the more time i spend with my friends, the more i realize that this is a place where i belong. and that i will be leaving it behind once i leave. and that i will never quite be in this same spot again.

it's odd to think that high school goes so fast. i thought it lasted forever, and here i am, halfway through, doing something i would never have seen myself doing two years ago. it makes me feel very old and very young at the same time.

a few months ago i said goodbye to my normal school friends and classes and activities. there was the usual hugging and exchanging of email addresses and promises to stay in touch.
but it was different this time.
because every time someone said "will i see you next year" the answer wasn't "yes" or "maybe".
the answer was "no".
"no" because i am going on exchange. and at the end of the summer when you are buying notebooks and pencils and folders and stepping onto the bus for school, i will be buying my ticket and stepping onto a plane for another country.

and every time i look at a calendar, i remember:
in less than 10 days, i will be separated from my friends and family and everything that is safe and comfortable.
in less than 10 days i will be flying across the ocean toward my new country, toward my new family, toward my new home.
in less than 10 days, i will be gone.

rivers, rapids, and what I learned about exchange while rafting

i ride the rapids for a reason.

well, that was rather cryptic. let me explain.

about a month ago, i went rafting with a youth group. the guide on our raft asked us to think about the river and what we could learn from it. at first i thought that was weird and a little too pocahontas-y--you know, "colors of the riverbend" or however that song goes--but because i enjoy thinking, i thought about it anyway.

and i realized that i am approaching a rapid very quickly--i am going to switzerland--and that scares me as if it WERE a rapid. and it frightens me, because people tell me stories about europe and horror stories about exchange and ask me why on earth i would want to go until i'm not even sure myself anymore. until i'm asking why. until i'm doubting ever riding the rapid in the first place.

but there, on the river, i realized why i want to go. it's for the same reason i want to ride the rapids. they are scary, yes, and they are mostly optional, yes, and in some ways they also carry danger. but at the same time, there are things you learn from the rapids that you never find on the smooth water. there's a joy and courage and strength and exhilaration that comes from riding the rapids--that feeling of victory and the thrill of being a part of what you really want to do. and if this is my rapid, my adventure, then i need to pursue it.

---

to put it another way: have you ever felt like maybe everything was too easy? not too easy in the way that nothing is hard enough... more too easy in the way that it's hard at the beginning, but after a couple days/weeks/months it becomes easier. commonplace. and not hard anymore.

and haven't you ever longed for something that would present a constant challenge? that would become your life, that would be something you live day in and day out? something that wouldn't become easier, but that would challenge you physically and mentally and socially all the time?

because i want something like that. i want to know that i am being challenged and that i have a story worth telling. and for me, that is the one thing that holds me to exchange--the fact that it is a growing experience like nothing i've ever seen before.

i'm not ready

the most common question i get now:
"are you ready?"

and normally i smile and say yes, sure, absolutely, thrilled, etc.
but i thought about it and i realized that no, i'm not.

it freaks me out to think that i will be getting on a plane and living without my family and friends here for a year. i feel too young and too inexperienced and too whatever to possibly be ready.

but every time i've ever felt scared and worried and stressed about something that i know i want to do, i've felt unready. and somehow by the time i am doing it, i am ready. i'm not sure what happens inside when i become ready... there's only the fact  that when the moment of truth comes, i am. and i trust myself to know when i will be.

so no, i'm not ready.

but you know what?

i will be.

june's lovely links

note: again, I've been gone for a couple weeks so some of these posts are severely overdue. sorry about that... anyway, I am doing my best to catch up and post (relatively) on time. :)

random things I've been reading that are somewhat travel related:

Fluent In 3 Months encourages you to make mistakes while learning languages... i have to admit that this is one of the hardest things for me to do, although i'm sure i'll make plenty of mistakes in Switzerland.
on another note, they also happen to have funny random posts about travel and habits picked up in other countries. some of the habits are hilarious.

this post from The Great Affair lists 27 things travel has taught Candace in 27 years. it's a short list, but worth the read.

this distance calculator tells you just how far away i'll be from your house. oh, although i'm sure you could use it for other things too. ;)

in case you wish you could travel now but the obstacles seem insurmountable--Young Adventuress lists some common travel excuses and reasons why they shouldn't actually keep you from traveling (although there is some language used on this blog that I personally wouldn't use. just a heads up.)

this writer talks about his reasons for traveling young. To be honest, though, i think most of his reasons could apply to anyone, no matter their age.

food for thought: one rotary student's experience and thoughts on Eurotour.

stamps

the post office at the grocery store gets a lot of traffic, even on weekdays. since school isn't out, i am the youngest person here. 

I stand up straighter, push back my bangs. Try to look like I belong here. Hope no one asks me why I'm not in school. 

Short people just naturally get taken for littler than they are. I remember one July picnic when a little boy asked me how old I was (14). I asked him how old I looked. He squinched his eyes up at me, thought hard, and said, "eleven?" my sister nearly died laughing. 

I don't ask people to guess my age anymore. 

The lady at the register looks toward us and I bring my envelopes over, sliding them across the counter like I've done it a million times. "How much will it cost me to send these to Switzerland?" 

She says "2.20" without having to think. post office ladies are cool like that.
I ask how long it'll take and she says a week. I ask if there are any ways to get it there faster.
The lady lifts her eyebrows. "well, there's a couple options. we can send it one way and that costs 33 dollars, or you can take the other option but that's 44.25." 

... 

with as much dignity as I can muster, I say I'll stick with the first option. She takes my money, stamps the envelopes in red, and sticks international stamps on the corners. They're round, with a picture of the earth on them--pretty.
As the lady slides the envelopes away and hands me my change, I think about that stamp. It's so little to be sent halfway around the world. In my head I trace a line across the little blue globe--Switzerland is probably only about two inches away. 

except that in 60 days I'll be following that envelope, and it won't be any two inches neither. 

more than 2000 miles. 

and i realize just how little i am, to be sent halfway around the world.

may's lovely links

random things I've been reading that are somewhat travel related:

this link, "3 Reasons to Travel While You're Young", helps reassure me that traveling right now is a good idea (or at least not totally crazy). It's so true, whether you're in high school or not.

And another perspective, How to Have the Normal Knocked out of You (I just love the title of this post.)

This blogger writes about how she was robbed in Vietnam -- and how it was one of the best things to happen to her. Although I still have no desire to get robbed?

just for kicks... A Wimp's Guide to Taking a Cold Shower made me laugh. 

On Top of the World is a series of pictures one girl took at the top of various famous cities. Worth two minutes of your time :)

These lovely photos are basically just stylistic photographs from around the world. It really doesn't have anything to do with my blog, but I thought they were pretty so I included them anyway.

and finally, I know I'll have to learn to adjust to a different culture... but this post (on "assumptions about cultural adaptation") definitely provides food for thought. 

in which I write a normal post

(magden. i didn't take this picture, my host family sent it to me)

I've realized that I haven't actually updated you on anything that's happened since the District Conference. I've only posted random philosophical things, which (while fun to write), are not the most informative blog posts ever.

Sorry.

Since March I've heard from my host family. They live in a small village named Magden, (which is absolutely gorgeous) in the Basel region and near the intersection of the French, German, and Swiss borders. I will be going to school 45 minutes away in a city called Muttenz.
Needless to say, I'm thrilled.

Speaking of school, Swiss schools operate differently than American schools. Although that doesn't really bother me since I've never been to either...
I'll attend Gymnasium, which is basically another level of high school for Swiss students who are collegebound. My schedule will fluctuate throughout the week, with some days starting at 8 and going till 5, and other days starting at 10 and ending at 12. There are more subjects to juggle in a day, but the lessons are shorter (my host mom says that they last 45 or 50 minutes?) Also, from what I've heard, I don't have any homework and I can finish it all in school! Hooray :)

Meanwhile, things have been moving along here. Preparations for my visa, for my GA card in Switzerland, for language camp and for school and for everything that seems far away now but will be familiar and normal in a year. It's odd to think that all around the world, other kids are doing this exact same thing. Other kids have done this exact same thing. Call me self-centered, but for some reason it feels so much different for me to do it than it does for me to hear about others doing it.

I've actually begun to think about packing, early as it seems. I know I'm not supposed to bring too much stuff (Switzerland does have shopping, believe it or not :) ) but I have the odd impulse to bring as much of my belongings as possible, just to have things from home. At the same time, the stories that YEOs tell about coming with only a change of clothes and shoes and a carryon--well, that sounds adventurous, slightly risky, and extremely appealing.
Knowing me, I'll probably be somewhere in between the two extremes. There should be some sort of packing list... when I finally leave maybe I'll write one for all the future outbounds to follow me. Or maybe I won't, just so that they can experience the delightful wondering of whether they've packed everything they need and do they need shampoo or should they buy it there and do they need a year's worth of lotion and what if none of their clothing fits in and should they bring peanut butter and oh why is packing so complicatedly boring?

Anyhow.

I should probably be practicing my German more often--currently I'm in the middle of Dress Week for a musical, so I haven't had all that much free time. Still, I'm doing some vocabulary work through Language Perfect and practicing on Duolingo when I get the chance. I'm also carrying a German grammar book with me basically everywhere, hoping that it'll transfer its secrets to me simply by the fact that I am in its immediate vicinity. Maybe languages can be absorbed through the skin?

Oh well, one can always hope.

story of a girl: this is me

"anything is bloomable."

--sharon creech, bloomability

So I suppose that I'd better give some backstory before I go any farther.

In the winter of my freshman year, my mom and I read a book called The Global Student. It basically challenged the idea that you go through four years of high school, go through four years of college, and get a job. (the authors called it the "old school" path). Instead, they suggested that you go abroad for one of those years to get work experience, to learn about life, to learn another language, to experience a different culture, or all of the above.
Just like their kids did.

Well, obviously they were a little biased... but the book sparked my imagination. I loved the idea that I could go to another country and spend a tiny bit of my life somewhere else, experiencing the differences between here and there. And so I sent my local Rotary club an email about the short-term exchange that year.
Except that by that time, the short term exchange was full.
So I waited around. Did school. Went to summer camp. Almost forgot completely about Rotary.

And then last fall, I decided to apply for Rotary's exchange... their longterm one, the one that went for a full school year and required you to live abroad for 9-12 months. The book that we read recommended this exchange above all the others, but you could only go during your junior year so it wasn't on my radar screen. Also, it was for a whole year.
Anyway, I hadn't really thought about leaving for a year, but I figured that it was an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There's no harm trying, yes?

So I went to the meetings and interviews and that was it. I felt excited and scared and a little apprehensive, and I hoped they would like my applications and that I could go.
About one week later, they called me.

I didn't get in.

But, since the decision was 3-2 in favor of another girl, they still thought I was a promising candidate and they wanted me to be an alternate.
I had no idea what an alternate was.
They explained that I would be a short-term exchange program (STEP) applicant, and that I would basically fly standby and go abroad if there were any available slots for long term (LTEP) candidates. They assured me that after an exchange conference in January, I would know which program I would be going with. And so I said yes.
As far as I was concerned, there was no commitment to the LTEP program yet. I didn't really  think about it.

October passed.
November passed.
December passed.

In January I went dutifully to the exchange conference, and it was amazing. There were 8 (I think) of us alternates, and only four open slots, so they'd need to weed out some of us.
Except that they didn't. They wanted all of us to go.

And so they told us that they didn't know, and we should go to the longterm only conference in March and by then we would know if we. And so all of us nodded our heads and said we really wanted to pursue this, and yes we would go to the conference in March.

January passed.
February passed.

And then about a week before the conference, I received an email saying that I had been accepted to the Rotary Long Term Youth Exchange Program. I was thrilled. And I went to the conference.

The conference was a complete whirlwind. There were some details with my country choices (which I will explain later because this is a crazy long post anyhow), and I met one amazing person after another, and I couldn't believe this was actually happening because I only found out I was going a week ago, and so I went skiing and thought about my choices and thought about my choices and none of us really slept and all of us talked to the YEOs of the countries we were interested in (which for me basically meant all the YEOs because I wanted to visit every single country on the map) and finally on Saturday they announced our country selections.

And I was going to Switzerland.

How to explain that moment?
Well, I was ridiculously thrilled. I couldn't breathe. I cried because I was so happy, and I couldn't say anything for about half an hour (which, for those of you who know me, is very unnatural).

It's still only just beginning to sink in, after months of knowing.

I, Hannah Chinn, am going to Switzerland.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!