being an asian-american on exchange part II: assumptions, culture, and claiming myself

(the following pictures are from a chocolate factory
and have absolutely nothing to do with this post...)

since my last post, i've come to a realization.
i am dealing with nothing that i don't want, that i am unprepared for, or that i cannot handle.

i'm not.

yes, being asian american does cause problems for me that people don't think about. and yes, i've dealt with rudeness and ignorance and problems. and that sucks.

but guess what? every kid who comes on exchange needs to be prepared for that.

when I signed up for exchange, I didn't do so thinking it would be easy. In fact, I knew that it wouldn't be.
I knew that people would make assumptions about me and my life, simply because I did not belong in their country. I knew I would be answering thought-provoking, funny, and sometimes ignorant questions about how I lived, what I ate, who I was. I knew that I would be representing my culture alone in the middle of foreign life.

I just didn't realize that because of who I am, I would be representing two cultures and not one.

because I am American, people expect me to be American... but they also expect me to be Chinese. They want to ask what I know about America, but they also expect me to know about China and Asia in general and the culture and traditions and current events there.
I have always, always considered myself American and fully American. and I still do think of myself that way. but I've learned some surprising things about myself in the past couple months.

I've learned that I'm painfully un-American when it comes to popular culture, because I fail to recognize all but the most important names and faces. it's rather odd to see that my Swiss friend, who has never been to the USA in her entire life, is familiar with more American television and American movies and American pop stars than I am.
I've also learned that I'm much more Asian than I thought I was. I eat foods that my other American friends don't eat, I've grown up with both New Year celebrations, I even value slightly different things than they do.

I live my life in that strange place between cultures, 
too American to be typically Asian and too Asian to be typically American.

but I am from the USA, and culture mixing is normal.
I am normal. and it is ridiculous for me to be frustrated or upset or apologetic about it, because it is simply who I am and how I have grown up.

So what have I learned?

I have learned to assume the best from people. I have learned to let some things go. I have learned that uneducated people live all over the world, and I have learned not to take them all personally. I have learned that there is a difference between assumptions and genuine curiosity. I have learned to answer graciously. I have learned that laughter builds relationships faster than being offended does.

and all of this has made my exchange richer, it's made me adapt to my host country and my home
country, it's helped me gain a totally different perspective.

in fact, i wouldn't change it for the world.

being an asian-american on exchange: frustration, barriers, and defining me

As a US-American on exchange, I've had the opportunity to challenge a lot of common beliefs about my home country. I don't have a Southern accent, I'm not a cheerleader, I'm (relatively) intelligent. Most importantly, I'm Asian. As in Not White.

This has been really great in a lot of ways. Since Europeans know a lot about American culture but very little about Asian culture, it makes me feel foreign and interesting to explain Chinese New Year or to describe lion dancing. It's an extra bonus to be able to pretend I don't speak English, just so that the street vendors will go away and stop bothering me.

At the same time, though, I've gotten the most racist and ignorant questions and assumptions ever. Most of them make me laugh. Some of them make me sad. A few make me angry.

It was funny at the beginning to see people double-take at the news that I'm an American, and funnier still if they ended up complimenting my English. It was funny to explain that I don't speak fluent Chinese, neither do my parents, and yes, I am indeed an American citizen. It was funny to get questions about whether I was adopted or whether I'd be allowed to marry someone who wasn't Chinese.

But to be honest? Right now, I'm sick of it.

I'm sorry to put that out there, but it's true. I am sick of people constantly assuming I am from Japan or China or Korea (by the way, people, there ARE other Asian countries). I am sick of people insisting I tell them where I'm REALLY from. I'm sick of people who ask me if I want to go "back" to China, who ask me if I can see out of my eyes or if I can read Japanese and Korean and Thai or how I can tell Asians apart.

I just want to be treated like a real person.
Is that too much to ask?

And it bothers me, that I cannot simply float into Europe and fit in. That whenever I walk into a room, people immediately know that I am not originally Swiss, or German, or Italian, or French. That I have to try doubly hard to adapt and to fit in. That simply by right of birth, I have more cultural barriers to climb than most of the other American exchangers do.

But at the same time, I'm realizing how much I am defined by my heritage. My heritage, both Chinese and American.


The way I look tells people that I am Chinese. The way I speak tells people that I am American.
And I wish that people could see that it's not mutually exclusive. It is not that my family is Chinese and I am American, it is not that my language is English and my heritage Chinese, it is not that I am a twinkie or an egg or anything divided by color or race or country.

it is that I am Asian AND American, and I am still a person.

It is simply that I am who I am. 
Hannah.
and I wish that people could see that.

days > 120 -- familiarizing

advice for future exchange students #17:

you will eventually get to the point where you feel that you belong,

that this is your normal life,

but that point comes mostly when you belong in your group of friends.

I came to a funny conclusion the other day.

I have a very strange collection of various acquaintances and friend groups.

There is my Swiss class friends, and my exchange student friends here, and my exchange student friends at home, and the elderly people who are in my choir, and my debate friends and my church friends and my youth group friends and my siblings and the people who have known me forever.

it's a rather surprising mix. in fact, if you think about it, a lot of my friends would not get along with each other very well.

but the more types of people i meet,

the more i realize that they are just that... people. 

and that we all look to connect with each other.

things that have happened in the past 10-ish days:

• the upperlevel classes of Gymnasium are taking Matura this week, so all of our classes looked slightly different. This means that we ended up watching Pitch Perfect and Les Mis in class. It was cool.
• Also I ate "Asian food" in Basel, Switzerland.
• It was pretty awful, unfortunately. someone please send me the Portland foodcarts? I will love you forever and ever if you do.
• The days come and I'm realizing that our newbies are coming soon. Which also makes me realize that I have a little over half my exchange left. I'm still not exactly sure where the rest of it went.
• Rotary Christmas Dinner was lovely! I heard a blind singer and a lot of very classical music... but it wasn't bad, and it was nice to meet all the Rotarians :) Plus I have a new counselor who I happened to meet as well.
• I've gotten the opportunity to read some German books from my library... and guess what, I can understand them! But really, books exercise a completely different sort of vocabulary than speaking in normal conversation, so it's been good for me to read.
• I am writing in German. As you can see here. It's far from perfect, but it's a huge jump from what I could do three or four months ago (read: nothing). Also, ich bin stolz auf mich :)

and that's all for right now...

tschüss!!