(not) in captivity

Some exchange students say they can't wait to leave, that they have to get out of their hole of a house/school/town/etc., that going abroad is going to be such an amazing escape.

Except that I don't feel like that.
I don't want to escape. I honestly don't feel like there is much to escape from. I'm happy with where I am, for the most part, and I am worried about leaving that for a whole entire year.

As poetic as it sounds, I have to admit that I don't feel like a caged bird. I have no need to get away from the world I am in now. If Rotary called and told me that my exchange was dropped, I would be sad. I would be depressed. I would probably cry. But I don't think my life would fall apart.

Is that horrible? Because I want very badly to go, don't get me wrong. There are millions of reasons why I want to go, and I have no intention of dropping this exchange ever. I am going to work on my exchange and I am going to work hard.

But I am worried, because somehow the need that seems to be pushing others is not pushing me. I don't hate my friendships here. I don't hate my town. I don't hate Americans in general.

And it makes me wonder: Do I have to? Will I not exchange well if I don't hate my home country?

Because I want to embrace Switzerland, come into the culture with an open mind, learn the language and understand the people and make friends. I do.

I just don't think I have to hate America to love Switzerland.