days > 500 -- living

advice for future exchange students #30:

moving on is hard.
in more ways than one.
some of them you will handle well,
and others you will handle not-so-well,
but i guess that's life.

over the past six months, i have learned something important about myself. 

i am the type of person who lives in the present.

this is not always a good thing.

i am great at caring for people with immediate needs, i am constantly thinking "oh i wonder how i can make this better, i wonder if i can help with that, i wonder if this could be organized", i am good at focusing on one thing and throwing myself completely into it.

but. 

i am awful at keeping in touch with people, i am constantly thinking "oh, i should talk to them, but maybe they've forgotten me, oh i'd better not", i am bad at doing the basic little things that long-distance (or any distance, really) friendships require.

and i am not proud of that.

i think, for any exchanger to actually continue life after exchange, you have to be able to balance your past, your present and your future. which sounds half-mystic and half-disney, but it's true.

i am not good at balancing my past. :/

and i'm working on it.

so, with that in mind, here's what has happened in the past, present, and future:

past:

• i was in a production of Robin Hood, which turned out to be a majorly growing experience in my life. it was exhausting and draining and nervewracking and wonderful. 
• also, my sister and i went to Nicaragua to study Spanish. that was exciting. you can read about it on our (half-finished) blog here.
• New Year week was a crazy mix of being sick, of snorkeling and Hawaiian pastries, of essays and college applications, of auditions and journaling and late-night conversations.

present:

• taking classes at community college to finish out my year
• doing theater, which is fantastic
• realizing that people here mean a TON to me, and wondering how i could ever leave
• but at the same time, wondering what life outside my own little corner is like
• which is confusing

future:

• college? travel? life? EVERYTHING IS A GIANT QUESTION MARK HELP.
• i am finding out that while exchange made me much more sure of who i am as a person...
• ...it made me much less sure of what i want to do.

anyway. that's your (long overdue) update for anyone who still reads this little blog.

love love love,

hannah

on the twelfth day of christmas

on the twelfth day of christmas

my exchange gave to me

love for the present

questions to answer

more independence 

long christmas dinners

swiss weihnachtsmärkte

seven for a family

six lovely months

five languages

four advent days

three families

two traditions

and a new look at bloomability

(and with this post, it draws to an end... )

one of the most important things i've learned here is to live in the present. life is so different when you know that you will only be spending a year somewhere-- relationships are built faster, people change quicker, adventures are made instantly because you know, you KNOW that this time does not last forever.

and that is sad.
but because it doesn't,

it gives you all the more reason to make the most of the time you have.

i have to say that i rely on the "extra" time i have all the time when i'm at home. i say i'll do or make or see something when i'm older, or when i have more time, or when i have more money. and it is easy to say because i know that there is a possibility.

but when i am here, that possibility does not exist.

even when i grow up and if i come back, i will never have a year quite like this again.
it makes me laugh that i had to come all the way to Switzerland to realize this. and yet it's true. i shouldn't base everything on saving money, or on being successful, or on saving time. 

because yes, those are important. but often we place way too much value on them. 

more than they are really worth.

because memories, and relationships, and growth, are also worth a lot.

and so i've learned to live in the moment.

to make every effort i can.

to bloom.